Category Archives: grief

Fear and the Trigger Stacking Unwind

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Both horses and riders can carry a lot of fear that blocks the joy they could be having together. Traumatic experiences can set everyone back and rightfully so. We all go into protective mode when something bad happens. Sometimes we lose confidence, in our bodies, in the world around us, and in our horses.

When I was teaching a lot of liberty work clinics, many of the people who attended had either been bullied into being pushy with their horses by trainers, or they had gotten hurt by horses. When either of those or both of those things happen, a natural reaction is to draw into oneself and find something else to do; perhaps some other way to be with horses that’s not so stressful, or put them in the pasture and leave them, saying that horses don’t need to be ridden, they’re totally happy having minimal interaction with humans. That’s all fine and true to some extent, but there is so much that is not being addressed here. It may allow the person to remain in their comfort zone or create an even narrower one, in order to accommodate their fears. And the fact they can provide a pasture and freedom is huge and wonderful! But it doesn’t develop the relationship with the horse, and it doesn’t develop the part of themselves that can really listen to the horse. Bottom line – it is all fear-based, as is bullying types of training.

While working with horses, I must be conscious of so much around me, like on every plane and in every dimension. Even with all that consciousness, something may enter my zone or my horse’s zone and upset the apple cart.

We all know that – you have your horse “de-sensitized” to large trucks, bicycles, etc. but what about that odd machine that comes down the railroad tracks that makes a strange noise? Or the new silent electric bikes that make some noise that bothers some horses? The horse may be fine with some stimuli but really worried about others.

If you stay in the arena, you may not need to experience any of these things. But horses react to things happening in or around arenas too.

A cumulative event that happens to horses and humans is trigger stacking. One bad accident occurs, or one trainer mistreats the horse, but then another insult occurs. The frightened horse falls into a ditch on the trail. The frightened horse is forced to do something he’s terrified of, and it goes on like this, until he has a build up of tension under the hood so he becomes reactive to many more things than what started it. Horses who have endured repeated trauma may freeze, shut down or explode, the same responses that humans experience when they are the victims of repeated trauma. They may do a combination of these things. Horses may seem “bomb-proof” to some people because they’re shut down, but if you take them out of whatever ”comfort zone” they have, they may explode. This is because they are living in their sympathetic nervous system, their “flight/fright/freeze” mode. We want to embody treatment and exercises that bring the horse into the parasympathetic nervous system, the “rest and relaxation” mode.

I work with a gelding who has had some rough handling in his early years, and then spent years with relatively no training, rand highly reactive to noise, vibration, sudden movements: you name it. A lot had to change for him, which it did, in the form of a wonderful, quiet new owner and some slow, considerate training. We’re still working to defuse those stressful responses because, while he has worked through a lot, he was a victim of trigger stacking in his early years.

Bodywork – Bodywork was not always something this boy could tolerate, so it was done from a distance until I could get close, and until he got his special person. Fortunately, she was studying to become a bodyworker, which helped him immensely.

Liberty exercise and ground exercise – These activities have helped this horse’s state of mind immensely, before riding and even now, while he is a riding horse. A horse started with a frayed sense of worth needs this quiet building to bring him back to himself, to feel proud of himself. Horses can be happy with this form of interaction and so can people, because there is such rich communication available.

Riding – If the horse in question is able to be ridden, the process may be slow, but it should always be rewarding for the horse and human. Not pushing, rushing, or otherwise expecting something he isn’t able to give yet. At the same time, it’s still essential in all the work to create boundaries; no pulling or stepping on you, etc.

As there is so much cruel, hurried training or lack of training in the world of horses, more horses are coming to us with more trauma. A common method of training and part of some de-sensitizing, especially for non-compliant individuals, is to flood the horse’s space with scary objects, behaviors, sudden movements, which can completely overload the nervous system. Horses who twitch a lot or shy at a lot of things may have had this beginning. These horses need to be restarted in a quiet way, without the flooding or harsh treatment, and slow introduction to new things. It’s helpful to see what the new start exposes in terms of behaviors and fears.

Nearly every horse I work with currently has some level of trauma, or has worked through a lump of it. My rescue mare came to me some years ago carrying a lot of trauma, that was lodged in various cells in her body. She was enjoying her groundwork training and the people who were kind to her at the time, but there was an emotional sludge stuck here and there.

Once I could work with her each day, we could unravel it more effectively. I have worked with other horses who have had worse emotional sludge, and depending upon the facility of the owners, bodyworkers and trainers, they have been able to release it. I use a combination of bodywork and ground exercises to bring this about. Trauma is always part of the body, but the healing takes place only when we are able to stop reacting to it. I say reacting, because we will always respond, but it doesn’t have to be reaction. For most, it’s a series of gentle shifts, for some, it takes a lifetime. While we worked, the various triggers emerged and subsided and were no longer something she had to fixate on. As she goes through life, she will not be reactive unless provoked, she will remain calm and curious in her surroundings – as long as she has proper support.

And what does that support look like? Perhaps the most important thing that must be nurtured is mutual trust. When the horse sees her person as someone she can trust, then the nervous system can move from the high anxiety sympathetic nervous system  into what we call the parasympathetic mode.

How do we develop this trust?

One way is to always be a protector to your horse. When you have your horse’s back, then your horse will have yours. He knows he can trust you.

I believe horses know what we’re saying, perhaps not the words themselves, but the intention behind them. Some people have horses all their lives and never know how to build trust with them, as long as they can ride and get where they want to go. I consider that to be a major disconnect, a disservice to the animal, and a joy the owner is missing out on.

For those who are starting out with horses, the problem is often the same, as so many riding establishments have a disconnected view. Students learn the disconnect and feel guilty for having sensitive feelings about horses, for becoming fearful because they can’t feel safe, for not having the opportunity to develop trust as well as necessary boundaries.

I assess how well horse and human are doing with this by

  • Checking in with dimensions – our front/back, side/side, up/down dimensions.
  • How well does the horse recover from a scary event, i.e., a plastic tarp blowing, a fall, trailer accident? How well does the person recover, i.e., continue to recount the scary incident, unable to move forward, etc.? Some things take longer than others to recover from.
  • How well does the horse embrace gentle work, i.e. bodywork, groundwork?

So we come full circle to the fear that began this article – a fear that has every right to be there, but that doesn’t have to stay and burrow down and remain the basis for the way people interact with horses. Like everything good in life, it takes the time it takes to build the trust, unplug the trigger stacking and subsequent reactions, and move everybody involved to authentic, thoughtful responses and safety.

Getting a Horse

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I entitled this “Getting a Horse” because horses come to us through different channels, not always through purchase or adoption. Whatever avenue they come through, getting a horse should be a thoughtful endeavor. There is no right way to do this, though It might be helpful to have a few guidelines, even if they get flung to the winds!

There are many checklists on what to look for when looking for a new horse, and they usually cite very sensible considerations. But many people have an emotional draw to a particular horse that doesn’t have much to do with common sense, but more to do with a sixth sense.

For years, I bought horses that could do what I was doing, endurance riding, though the first one was chosen because I just fell in love with her. I knew her and had been riding her for a year. Then we got into endurance riding. Even though she wasn’t the most desirable candidate for that sport (she tripped) she completed almost 800 competition miles with me. I went looking for endurance prospects after that, and I fell in love with them too. Which means, it’s possible to fall in love with a horse that can partner with you in what you enjoy doing.

There are plenty of stories of horses overcoming physical and mental challenges in sports or as pleasure horses. I hear people say, I bought this horse because she was a palomino, I fell in love with this horse right away, I felt sorry for this horse, I thought I could give this horse a better life. Or, I just lost my horse and I’m looking for one different from him or just like him. And then sometimes a horse just saunters into your life and that’s it – an unexpected foal, a neighbor can’t take their horse with them….

All of these are valid reasons as long as you are willing to put in the time and energy on your passion.

And, as the new owner, you need to be prepared for what may come down the road. If you want a horse just to love, and you don’t mind that the horse is on and off lame, or you’re a bodyworker or other therapist and you feel you can make a difference, then that will probably be a good match.

If you want to do a fast or challenging sport, then this wouldn’t be the best horse for you.

The more clear you are about what you’re looking for, the more successful you will be. When I hear, I don’t care what age or what the horse looks like, or what breed, it’s more difficult to make a good choice. Will you ultimately get frustrated if your horse can’t do what you dream of doing?

Eventually they all will grow old and not be able to join you on your wild adventures, but maybe you want them to start out in the adventure category, even if it’s just for a simple ride out from the barn.

Shelters are full of horses that are adopted into what they think are forever homes, only to be returned because they don’t measure up.  Many shelters have a good sense of who is going to be a good owner for their horses. Yet, new owners have high expectations and not all know how to give the animal the time it takes to adjust, and to get to know their new horse. Some horses just go with the flow and fit in easily. And others need time to adjust. They may not like something about their life.

Some horses have been rescued from some unimaginable neglect or cruelty. They don’t necessarily know how to behave around other horses or can be afraid of strangers.  For you the new owner, it’s like taking on a foster child. Some horses fit in and are eternally grateful. A big part of their healing can come from a new home with all they need, and the space to figure out where they are, the other horses and animals in their yard, the different sights and smells.

For many people, the objective of getting the rescue is they are very affordable, the vetting and assessment has already been done, and hopefully, someone has determined the riding level needed for that horse. Because these organizations rely largely on volunteers whom they train from the ground up, plus paid vets and farriers, the horses can have good contact with humans. There are many success stories with these organizations, which is wonderful, but there are many horses returned because they don’t fit the new owners’ vision or fit in with existing pasture mates.

Horses coming from auctions or kill pens can present other problems that are not in their descriptions.

My checklist includes some other considerations:

  • Have someone knowledgeable check their conformation. Conformation is important because it doesn’t make sense to expect a horse to achieve certain goals with bad conformation, although some horses have been known to overcome poor conformation. Still, the body doesn’t lie. Weak pasterns or hindquarters, or a swayback can be painful for a horse and make riding unpleasant for them.
  • Have a farrier, preferably your own, check the horse’s feet.
  • Have your vet check your horse’s teeth, to identify age as well as condition.
  • If you work with a horse trainer or bodyworker, their opinions could  be helpful.
  • Check to see how your horse rolls – does he or she get up and down easily?
  • Get a lameness exam.
  • Feel along the spine to see if the horse has any soreness, or get a bodyworker to assess that and the entire body that way.
  • Note the horse’s demeanor – is he or she curious or shut down? A number of horses are shut down and come from all walks of life – high performance, low performance, rescues, horses who have been alone for a long time.
  • Find out the horse’s social habits and preferences – does this horse get along with other horses, does he eat all the food when in a group, is he particularly studdy with mares, etc.?
  • Size – is the horse the right size for your body and physical capabilities?
  • Do you have the necessary riding and/or horsemanship skills for the horse?
  • Observe coat, posture, facial expression, eyes, demeanor, leg straightness and stance.
  • How does the horse make you feel?
  • Do you already know the horse?
  • How does the horse connect with you?
  • Do you feel you are making this decision with a clear heart?

This last one is perhaps most important, because you need the life force for some of the things that may come up in your new journey.

Once you’ve checked out all these things or those that are pertinent, in addition to the usual health checkups, take stock of your own capabilities and expectations. Are these problems I can solve or do they feel like I’m on overwhelm?

What kind of outside help can I get, or do I need, to support this horse and myself?

It’s much easier to make a good decision before you bring your new horse home. Years ago, someone I knew bought a coon-footed horse with possible ringbone from a reputable breeder. It was immediately obvious to me that the horse would have problems with soundness throughout its life, even though at the onset, he was sound. The new owner was madly in love with this horse and kept him throughout his life, spent thousands of dollars which seem irrelevant when you want to make your horse well, and nursed him through one disappointing veterinary catastrophe after another.

This horse was fortunate to end up with such an owner, as many people would send the horse on to an uncertain future.

Because horses aren’t cheap to keep, this can often end someone’s aspiration of going on to do great things in a particular sport. Or it can be life changing in other ways: send the owner off in an exploration of how to help their horse get better and learn a lot in the process.

Another example is a rescue mare who is beautifully built and very pretty, but has so much pain in her body she doesn’t enjoy riding. She has been adopted out a few times and comes back because she charges at her handler in the round pen and won’t stand for mounting. This mare could have an ulcer, musculoskeletal or other physical problems making her really unhappy. Can this pain be reduced to a manageable level so her behavioral problems can diminish and she can enjoy life?

There is a flow to all of this and if you get into the flow and recognize what your heart’s desire is and what you want to and can do, then it will probably work out okay. There are more people these days who want a horse to care for, to provide something special for, than ever before. There are those with good skills who realize they can help a certain horse flourish, so they take on that horse, rather than go buy one that already has training.

The journey you embark on will have its own qualities and shape you and your new horse!  In every horse, there is a gem waiting to be burnished. Some horses from the worst beginnings can become your best life partners, and make you forever glad you took the chance on them.

The Horse Who Stopped Eating

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Horse health is such a broad topic, it cannot be limited to what we do in terms of providing hands-on bodywork, or diet or exercise. It also includes emotional, psychological and psychic health, activities to create communication and increase curiosity  and the way we ride.

In February, I conducted a Q&A session where one of the questions was about a horse who had stopped eating, and discussing what to do to get the horse eating again. The practitioner with the issue said the horse had just lost his owner and regular stablemates due to death. He had been moved to a new barn with new horses and people.

We were dealing with more than simple refusal to eat, though that can become complex in itself. We were dealing with a grief process. The answer to the question – what to do about a horse who stopped eating – took on another dimension, as the horse would need more emotional and psychic support in addition to basic dietary needs and bodywork to get the gut functioning properly.

The horse needed a bridge to his new life, where there are very good things available. He just can’t reach for them right now. A horse in this state can go unnoticed in traditional circumstances where people will focus on the lack of appetite but not think about or know how to address the grief.

What does this horse need? I ask myself.  He may shun connection, though bodywork, a simple laying on of hands, could be very helpful and give valuable information too. Grief makes the body tight and dry, flaky, unresponsive. To loosen up those areas – particularly around the heart – would help the horse feel better in himself, and lo and behold, he may eat.

Time spent just being with the horse can be invaluable. Maybe he can’t think of anything he wants to do, but you can do things for him. Show him things, talk to him, walk with him.

When we as humans are going through a grieving process, it’s sometimes hard to put one foot in front of the other. It’s hard to talk to others. Imagine what that’s like for the horse. He doesn’t even have the distractions of bills that need paying or job concerns. If he has been left alone with no companions, it can be even more devastating.

It’s really up to us to set the tone as the horse is not very resourced at this time. If the owner is also grieving, he or she can be honest about the sadness felt, but be careful to remain soft and in memory mode of the lost loved one.

Just being, one of the hardest things for us to do, is probably the best thing you can do. Some horses really enjoy you talking to them, keeping up a conversation, perhaps recounting stories about the departed ones, if you knew the family. Some just want you there, grooming, taking care and talking about their specialness perhaps, bring them back into their bodies. Setting up situations to engage a horse’s curiosity, providing comfort, will all help that horse come around. Walks together are immensely helpful, especially if there are other animals in the neighborhood to visit.

Think in terms of what we all are as mammals – gut, brain, heart, and not necessarily in that order. There are more nerve cells in the gut than anywhere other than the brain. The nerve cells of the gut are part of the enteric nervous system, a separate nervous system that sends messages to the brain. It plays an important role in the emotional health in all of us.

Make sure the horse has companions. Not all horses grieve the same way. Some are sad but they are more able to go through their days as they have a more developed understanding of their stablemate or owners’ passing. That understanding can be supportive to the grieving horse.

This is why we look further than digestion and learn the rest of the story, or as much as we can. Sometimes the horse not eating can be a simple dietary change and sometimes it requires more research. Your ability to just be and bring out the presence in the horse will be key.

We are accustomed to extending condolences to bereaved human families. Grief is part of life, not a postscript, tacked on as “oh by the way, this person or horse lost his family.” It is the beginning, the jumping off place, for all else to happen going forward. It may feel that nothing is happening or changing for awhile, but gradually it will.