When I lived in New York City in another lifetime, I always wondered what it would be like to be a cab driver and hear all these personal conversations.

I think of horses having to hear all our conversations. Many times I think humans don’t realize the importance of their words, their stories, the emotional impact behind what falls out of their mouths.

This has come back to me recently with my young mare, Red. I get the distinct feeling that she doesn’t want to be referred to as a “rescue,” so I will refer to her as my young, adopted mare whom I got from a loving sanctuary. She has had a hard life packed into a short period of time and no one needs to hear that story over and over again.

Imagine if I was introducing you, my friend or colleague, and I said, “This is my friend Lucy. She was in a foster home; her father beat her and she nearly drowned when she was two years old.” Rather than, “I’d like you to meet Lucy, she’s a gifted painter and beautiful rider.”

We would like to be introduced in the best light possible. I say things that are true about Red and any horse that I know, if I know enough about them to comment. I say, she is the bravest, most courageous mare I have ever known, beautifully willing and enthusiastic. (If anyone will give me that much airtime!) And it is all true.

Recently, the true characters of some people have come forward for me with regard to her, and while some of these – even professionals – have been around for some time and well regarded, I have felt disappointed by their response and lack of respect for my horse and for others. They may not talk disrespectfully about all horses but if they do that about just one, it’s in their hearts.

A lot of this arises out of fear, as horses who have been mistreated in the past may respond in a flight/fright mode. Some horses really aren’t safe to be around. We don’t know what they might do. I understand that, and it may mean not working with that animal or minimizing contact. In all these situations, it’s important to recognize our fear of the horse who doesn’t do exactly what we want or might exhibit some unwanted behavior. Recognize what the animal is able to offer and start from there. The horse may behave very well with its owner but have trouble with strangers, and it takes awhile to overcome what abuse may have taken place at the hands of strangers.

Also, people who call horses unflattering names are not doing horses any favors. It’s fine to call them little gentle pet names like goofballs, which I’m fond of calling my geldings, but not mean names. The horse takes it all in. My sense is that they have heard the bad name before in a much less pleasant setting and it brings back memories. I’ve noticed my mare Red has a sensitivity to certain names and I expect that she’s heard those mean names before.

Even a story of another horse’s trouble can upset a horse. And I know this sounds crazy to some, but the horse feels it and the horse can see it in pictures. The horse may convey those pictures to me. My horses do that, and some client horses do too.

I used to go into this whole thing about relaying stories about how someone mistreated a horse and how awful that was, but the horse doesn’t want to attach itself to that story anymore. It wants the new beginning it’s been offered, the new richness of love and respect. If I need to discuss background with an owner, I will try to minimize the story, have them fill out a form beforehand, or talk about it away from the horse. Ultimately, the horse’s demeanor and body will tell the most important parts of the story.

We have more rescues and horses who may have come on hard times after being worked really hard, won their owners money or other kudos, than ever before. Horse shelters and kill pens are overflowing. And so many horses have lives the equivalent of going from one home to another, as in a foster care situation, or worse, knowing they are one step away from slaughter. This is hardly good for their self-esteem.

With that said, there are some horses who want to be the subject of the story, and enjoy hearing how they were rescued or how they got well after being ill for a long time. Usually it’s an older horse that feels proud of what he or she has accomplished. I have one like that – I can talk about his story and he is very pleased to have people know about him. But I talk about it in a way that shows how proud I am of his accomplishments and that helps people know him better and admire him.

For the hour or hours that I’m entrusted with a horse’s care,  I bring my best to them, and I want to acknowledge their gifts, their personality, who they really are. That’s the beginning of any session we share. I can’t bring them all home with me, but that time we share is a healing time just for them and their owners. I want it to integrate into their daily lives as a positive change.

Bottom line: horses are in our care, and if we bring them our joy at seeing them, remarking on something really cool or positive about them each day, their nervous systems will surely relax and seek to connect.